Ah, the need for approval from emotionally unavailable people is such a tortuous game!
When you get a little bit of attention from someone you desperately want approval from, it’s like a tidal wave of joy that makes life infinitely possible. And when you are ignored, skipped over, treated poorly or just plain shelved for a while by that same person, you are inept, immobilized, fixated, seeking psychic counsel and consuming all your language, every conversation… it’s all about them. And on and on the waves go, crashing and then bubbling up with hope just slightly before the next crash.
I often wonder how I let other people hijack my mind in the past… how I handed over so much of my self-worth to these people…people I don’t even know any more!? I suppose all that matters is that I don’t do it now, and I’m pretty confident I won’t do it again…
And I’m sure you feel the same way!
I realized I was very much surrounded by passive aggressive people who were emotionally unavailable. Both in relationships and in my work life, passive aggressive and emotionally unavailable people prevailed. To squeeze a drop of attention from these people required great effort.
These types of relationships – in my experience- are empty voids. All a big waste of time.
If I asked you if you’d sacrifice two years of your life for anyone, you would likely say no instantly. But yet, you do, in a sense, sacrifice your power to this dynamic.
I don’t think that people who act in this way- withholding emotions, blowing hot and cold, playing strange games- are bad or evil- it seems to me that they are just stuck. Stuck in fears, insecurities, greed, creative blocks, emotional upheavals of their own. But… you don’t need to be stuck too!
Here’s a little video all about spotting the passive aggressive stuff looming around you. Awareness is the best step to breaking the cycle! It’s all stuff that has helped me, and I hope you find it of use!
Also, If you are efforting and trying to force and “work” your way to love or approval in your romantic relationships, you may want to read THIS, and think about what your life would be like if you put that energy into feeling great about yourself rather than pouring it into an empty void.
Anyone who is so great that they deserve to have that much sway in another person’s life would never treat anyone in such a fickle manner. Remember that next time you are giving away your power and turning your life upside down trying to get attention from someone.
Truly awesome people would never want you to do that for them! And truly awesome people like you are too smart to fall for it for that game once you get wise to it.
It is: your life, your mind, your psyche, your reality. Create love. Real love. xoxo Dana
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