I look at these little fur kids and that’s all I see.
I talk a lot about getting rid of clutter, toxic chemicals at home, lots of talk of poisonous ideas, vampire people… What I realized when these boys came rushing up at me for water with giant smiles is that purity is very rare and it is beyond gorgeous to see!
I’ve had to shake off a lot of hurt, hyper-materialism and ideas that squashed my mind in the last few weeks. I had run-ins with the very impure— the selfish, the self-serving, the power-junkies and the game-players.
I couldn’t believe how far it took me from balance in my life. I didn’t sleep for weeks, I didn’t eat well for days, and I felt… toxic.
Have you been in that space where it feels like demons (for lack of a better word) have rattled your life?
I was. And I have been so many times. This time, though, I took the reigns and decided to get to the bottom of things. It started to feel like perhaps I was wanting to go through these cliff-dives into the dark side for some puzzling reason.
I burned lists of fantasy ideas that were not good for my spirit, I took baths in crystals and baking soda, I immersed myself in Buddhism, I started flower essence healing and Energy Medicine, I started The Artist’s Way book and a group one more time…I found myself sleeping again, feeling like myself again
But…. After purging so much toxic stuff, I found myself somehow empty. Where was that boiling sense of injustic to fight against?
Had I grown accustomed to being suppressed and stressed?
I think so. I think its like a rush of adrenaline, a big war to win, a battle that gives life a familiar theme of “I will overcome this!”
Why did I feel I had to overcome things I was creating for myself? Why did I need big problems to excell in life?
I think we all can become used to some sort of self-squashing stress or oppression as we move through life. Some of us accept it and wither under the pressure because we can’t see a better way. Some use an enemy as motivation, and this is a slower way to destroy yourself but equally as horribly addictive.
I had been used to having an enemy to react against, used to having to fight a noble fight. I grew up as the ultimate outsider, underdog, the kid who comes from behind… Being suppressed and squashed and fighting against it became a very bad habit.
Do you have these habits generating themselves in your life?
In its place, in this void, I find myself reaching instictively for the pure. Pure food, pure people, pure ideas, pure water, pure nature… Its crazy to me that we have to seek these things now, but to some degree we do.
What is wonderful: you can undo the habit of needing pressure and stress and horrible self-sacrifice in order to feel valuable. You can also create far more and far better without negativity, drama and crazymaking people near you.