Why You Never Need To Seek Revenge! (And Shouldn’t Bother Trying)

japan taisekiji

For many years I felt injustice should be punished.  When I felt wronged I felt there had to be a scenario to dream up and act out that would create a better picture where I was truimphant and whoever wronged me got to sit back and watch the show.

Have you done this?

It was a great big waste of time and a huge focus on the negative. It stopped me in my tracks rather than stopping anyone else from being awful to other people.  Even when I was successful at my revenge, I felt horrible because I had to sink into that space of hurtful, dark games in order to accomplish my goal.

But the thought of revenge feels so good sometimes, doesn’t it?!

Its a hard thing to admit, but we all want a shining moment where we strut past the person who fired us with the competition who has now hired us, where the ex gets an eyeful of us with a new, bright, dazzling person who loves us, where there is some kind of awesome payback for being mistreated and misled.

You don’t need to seek revenge, ever.  Here are a few ideas to get you out of the revenge-zone and a much higher place of peace that creates real greatness! 


You know this whole idea that “An eye for an eye means everyone will be blind” ?  It’s true.  

Everyone loses in the revenge game.

As I’m about to take off for Japan soon, I am reminded of the somewhat universally accepted idea of karma. Karma at its simplest means that we are living the effects of things we have done in the past.  There are all kinds of names for this that span religious and philisophical traditions.  


Here are a few ideas about this karma phenemonon that might just help elevate your need for justice otherwise known as revenge:

1. No one is rewarded for harming others. It may seem on the surface that people can go through life like a wrecking ball and get ahead.  This is not true. Life isn’t just what you see.  You aren’t with these bulldozing people in their mind, filled with anger and fear.  Don’t believe the hype that only “bad people get ahead.”  That’s not true, and you can’t let that thinking sway you.

2. When people do wrong to you, they hurt themselves.  There’s no need to wish to hurt them further.  In the last 8 years, I have seen nothing but bad happen to people who have been truly, intensely bad toward me or people I care about.   This is not what I wish.  In fact, I find myself focusing my own prayers on helping these people who are in such intense darkness.  But, inevitably, it happens.

I once dated a devious liar.  I think he checks out on the scale of psychopathic traits that psychatrists use to categorize patients.  He was a real “wolf in sheeps clothing.”  To this day, when he pops up around me, there’s nothing I hear about him but lies and weird news.  Now, the circle of people who know he is a liar has widened.  I never needed to say a bad word.  I never needed to seek revenge.  People on this streak of dishonesty tend to bury themselves in their own hype.

3. Compassion makes you prosperous.  Literally, the more compassion you have, the more empathy you have, the more prosperity you build in your life.  Next time you feel wronged by a crazy boss or a psycho person, see if you can find compassion for them.  After all, you have to be in a pretty dark place to act so poorly toward other people.  It’s very hard to do, but its very freeing.  There’s nothing like hating someone to keep you in a dark place yourself!

Of course, if you still have a twinge of need for revenge in you (it happens to all of us!) let the feeling motivate you to your own greatness.  Turn that rush of energy into exercise, creative decision, art-making and more good things.  I can tell you that the biggest surges in my blog and my business have happened after I felt very wronged and let that motivate me in a new direction of self-good.  Now, I am changing that pattern (I don’t want to wish that upon myself in order to expand!) but its a good thing to do when you have this boiling energy that has no outlet.

Journal, paint, dance, learn… do anything but sit in a place of victim.  Revenge makes you more of a victim. Let it go… and keep going!  xoxo Dana



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Charin Adams December 9, 2014 at 8:03 pm

This was really good, and great timing for a toxic situation I have been in recently with someone that I considered a great friend! Thank you, thank you. 🙂

Matthew Stoller June 5, 2016 at 3:22 am

This really opened my eyes to a situation I was in.
Very inspiring. Thank you.

danaclaudat June 8, 2016 at 4:00 am


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