Today, I wanted to take a moment to talk about love, energy & your life of great value!
It was brought to my attention a few days ago- and by the time you read this I don’t know if it will still hold true- that while this blog is dedicated to feng shui, design, art and all things gorgeously wellness in my own way, I managed to rank on Google #1 for the term “emotionally unavailable.”
That is relatively hilarious. And not at all surprising.
Tons of my prospective feng shui clients are looking for love, but they are mired in the weight of experiences where they needed to “work” to get love from someone… and to keep that love. They have run into the “emotionally unavailable” partner and dedicated themselves to the seemingly noble task of getting them to “open up” because they see and feel the potential in them. They are, essentially, using the tools of feng shui in an attempt to control the energy of the space and hopefully, finally, find their way in to real love that they know they can have if only they work hard enough.
It’s a no-win situation.
I can’t help people who want to do the impossible- changing someone else, likely against their own will.
What I do find myself saying over and again, ” Why do you feel you have to work for someone to love you?”
And I asked myself that question for a whole decade before I even started to tackle feng shui of spaces and helping people to shift their lives and heighten the positive energy of their environments.
I grew up in a relatively strange way. I think in some ways we all have. For some reason I can not fathom, my mother decided after my brutally screwed up father was out of the picture to fall madly in love with a man who hated my sister and I, hated his life, and, dare I say it, hated her, too. This was a guy with no emotions except anger and self-entitlement. And my mother would literally drop everything in her life to cater to his every need, trying to make him happy. When someone in the family needed my mother’s attention, he would leave because she wasn’t catering to him. She would fall into a zillion pieces, close her door and chain smoke in a panic on the phone. She would sleep during the day to quiet her mind. He would come back, say he loved her, and start this cycle all over again.
No matter what I could say or do as a kid, I realized I couldn’t save her from this situation. So perhaps that’s why I am such an advocate of love that is freely given, and why I share so much of this information here and with my clients about loving the emotionally unavailable.
This is not an uncommon scenario. But it doesn’t need to be your scenario.
My intensely beautiful, charismatic, virtuous, lovable and so talented mother was reduced to such a place of panic by someone who she couldn’t seem to be good enough for… and I am fairly sure she had her first, undetected heart attack at one point when he left in his own miserable, rage-filled huffs.
I always wanted to know why some people would get into these situations of nearly-addictive love and give away their lives to this energy vortex.
And while I have no absolute answers to why, I do know that nothing good comes of these situations.
When you get stuck in these situations…
They decimate your energy.
They steal your joy.
They poison your sense of love.
They harm your body.
They throw your world into chaos.
They create intense stress.
This is not love.
And this can not happen without your consent. So… you can avoid it!
In feng shui, the relationship area correlates with wisdom on a dynamic diagonal in space and in life. You grow in relationship to others. You gain wisdom from relationships. The more you are willing to learn about you and your purpose, energy and life, the deeper you can experience relationships on every level.
If you find yourself stuck in one of these relationship patterns, you may want to seek impartial help, forming a relationship with a therapist, a group like CODA or ALANON, or another type of counselor to help you gain the wisdom that can take you out of this spiral.
In your home, add more personal symbols and art that speaks to what true love- not love with conditions attached- feels like to you. And create more of a sanctuary for yourself (these tips can help) so that you are taking extra good care of yourself.
Remember: You deserve love, wonderful energy and a life of creating stable bonds with people who are awesome.
And, if you want to dive in to your own personalized feng shui in a modern, practical way, Say hello to Feng Shui 101. Its the guide I made for you to create your own personalized feng shui at home, in the office, wherever you may be… in 8 weeks. It’s not filled with strict rules or what you “must” do. Its filled with information, questions, exercises and even videos and classes to help you confidently create amazing spaces with killer feng shui and live with more flow. Learn more about the 8-week feng shui adventure & grab your copy to get started right HERE… And, as always, please let me know what happens!